Long story short…I actually looked up and started meeting people in real life (IRL). To be honest I haven’t had much success with dating apps since they first hit the scene. I did a run on Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, Coffee Meets Bagel, and Match.com and nothing much ever came from any of them. Most of the time I’d scroll late at night when I was bored, be matched and not log back in for months. I could never quite get past the initial awkward, “Hey we matched let’s chat” “Where are you from” “What do you do” conversations. It would inevitably fizzle into nothing. There was a magical time between 2006-2010 when I met amazing people online on websites like Black Planet and Plenty of Fish. My first 2 serious relationships after moving to New York City from North Carolina for graduate school were men I met on Plenty of Fish dating website (also known as POF). So when dating apps came along after dating websites, I thought the process would be so much easier and to my dismay that wasn’t the case. With 2020 being the hellish year that it was, I spent most of it indoors dating people I already knew via zoom, FaceTime and phone calls that lasted hours. A few of them I’d met on Instagram. I know Instagram isn’t really considered a dating app, but it should be since it’s the first thing people ask for who meet you in real life. Here’s my number 1 piece of advice when you are getting to know someone: DO NOT GIVE THEM YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA INFORMATION. Let them take the time to genuinely get to know you before seeing the 10% of the life you created for yourself on Instagram. But I digress…not being able to physically be near someone or even be touched by someone (being that I live alone) for months really made me appreciate real in person interaction. I also learned that if a person could make just as much effort in a global pandemic with phone calls, FaceTimes, sending Uber Eats meals, watching movies together via the internet and sending boxed flowers, that they could do the same when human interaction could be possible. The time is now. Last year, I deleted every single dating app off of my phone. It happened during my trip to Miami for New Years Eve. Here’s what happened next.
IT FORCED ME TO GO OUT MORE
I can’t lie, I’m a Taurus and I absolutely LOVE being by myself. Being in quarantine was therapeutic for me. I have an outgoing personality but I prefer being at home. I can be funny and loud and the life of any party…for about 3 hours and then I need 72 hours alone to recover. LOL. But even I, a person who loves an antisocial moment, craved to be out and about amongst people as soon as it was safe to do so. I make it a point to leave my house at least a few times a week. Whether that’s to take myself out for dinner or drinks or do some shopping or run errands. I actually enjoy being out and interacting with people. This is pretty much my year of yes, so when someone asks me to do something or to go somewhere, I just say yes. I went to Fort Greene Park for Juneteenth and met a guy there. I went to a fun brunch party and met a guy there! If I would have stayed home, I never would have had the opportunity to meet those guys. If you’re not putting yourself in situations where you can meet people in real life then are you really ready to date?!? Of course we are in wild times right now, so take your time getting back out there at your own pace. But eventually you’re gonna have to go outside…even if the cost of outside has gone up exponentially.
I LOOKED UP & LOOKED AROUND
After spending most of 2020 alone in my New York City apartment, I packed my bags and moved to Miami. Let’s just say things were a lot more lax when it came to pandemic precautions down there. But there were still plenty of places to meet people that were open. Thanks to the amazing weather in Miami, they continued along with their outdoor restaurants and activities. Although there were some curfews the beach was always a refuge. I’m the type of girl who will go to breakfast, lunch or dinner by myself. So I started to pay more attention to who was around me. I’d make a conscious decision to put my phone away and actually look around. I can’t tell you how many times men and just other people in general will strike up a conversation if you are open to the opportunity of that happening. I’ve met a lot of cool men this way in Miami. If you’re staring at your phone as a nervous habit when out and about by yourself (like I used to), you’re gonna miss what’s happening around you. The looks, the stares, the moments that a conversation could have begun. Once I began to actually look around, I saw that there are lots of cute men everywhere! I mean everywhere! Especially in Brooklyn. I don’t know what it is about that borough but my goodness. Seeing someones facial expressions and mannerisms can tell you a lot them and you can’t get those things through virtual communication.
MEN ARE STEPPING IT UP IN REAL LIFE
Coming fresh off the tail end of a pandemic must have given men (especially single men), time to reflect on what they actually want for themselves when it comes to relationships. Perhaps it even lead to some introspection on how they could be better partners. Because it seems every man I meet is really on their A game. I mean, no fck boy sh!t period! I’m actually really surprised. The last time I was really dating dating, pre-pandemic it was a whole mess of a time. So much so, it put me off of dating for good long while. But it seems times have changed. Or perhaps the type of man I’m attracting has changed. I’m happy with both being the case. I haven’t had to think too much. I like assertive men. Every man I’ve dated since deleting dating apps are the kind of men who ask for my number and call me within a day of getting my number. Ask me when I’m available and then schedule a time, day and place for a date. Every. Single. Man…since deleting the apps. Now y’all, this is the type of thing that makes me very very happy. Who know’s maybe I did a little introspection and because I know exactly what type of man I want, the universe has provided. I find that kind of assertiveness was all but none existent on dating apps. Men needed way too much validation before thinking of actually asking you on a date. If you meet a man in real life and he’s interested he knows there is a good chance he may never see you again, so he’s willing to take a chance and accept rejection and that’s something you want to see in person. You’re always just another option on a dating app.
I’VE REALIZED DATING IS ACTUALLY FUN
I used to dread dating. It was a revolving door of bad and mediocre experiences. But since deleted dating apps and going back to meeting people in real life, I actually really enjoy dating. It’s actually fun! I’m having the time of my life y’all. I’ve had dates that seem like they’re right out of a romantic comedy. I’m talking kisses in the rain, watching sunsets and dancing the night away while whispering sweet nothings in my ear type shit. It’s amazing! It’s also very mentally stimulating to get to know someone new, especially when you’re more mature. I mean I’m not ancient old, but I’m not new to dating either. LOL. Just getting to know another human being, laughing and learning new things is fun. I mean the delicious drinks, seeing new exciting places and restaurants and eating delicious food ain’t so bad either, especially after 2020. But definitely my favorite part about dating is learning new things. I’m kind of a nerd so if someone can teach me something new, I’m all ears and invested. I also know within a few dates if something will develop into something more serious or if it’s more of a friendship vibe. But spending time with a person in person is necessary to get to that point quickly and efficiently without wasting anyones time.
Rony Kobo Zebra Print Dress | Nasty Gal Shoes | Black Gucci Bag | Souk & Sepia Earrings | Marques Almeida Dress | Aquazzura Fringe Sandals | Gucci Print Bag & Yellow Tint Sunglasses | Etsy Earrings
SHOP MY OUTFITS
I’ve been on several dates since deleting all of my apps and I must say my dating life has improved drastically since going back to meeting people in person. Honestly, I think we’re all just a little tired of social media in general invading every aspect of our lives. We spent most of 2020 on apps and I think we are more than ready for human interaction than ever before. You all see how quickly super popular Clubhouse App rose and fell during and after the pandemic? I suspect dating apps are having a tough time as well. I did a poll on instagram yesterday and 82% of you said you’ve deleted your dating apps and are going back to dating in real life and meeting people in person. A lot of the women asked me what I’m doing and what’s the secret to finding men to date. I only have one tip and that’s to get outside, go places you’d enjoy (sometimes go by yourself) and look like you’re ready to be swept off your feet. Trust me you don’t have to look, they will find you! I also highly recommend dating multiple people, especially if you’re just getting back into the dating scene. It’s going to take awhile to get back into the swing of things, and you don’t need to put all your eggs in one basket out the gate. If you want to know more about my thoughts on dating multiple people check out this blog post I wrote a few years ago. It still holds merit. Oh and please don’t confuse dating multiple people with having sex with multiple people. Those two things are NOT the same, but I aint judging if you do. LOL.
If you need date night or girls night out dress options check out this blog post. You can also shop everything I post on Instagram here. Read more of my blog posts about dating here. And if you really want the tea, check out the essay section of my website here where I give all my lifestyle tips. If you wanna learn how to remain unbothered, how to manifest the life you want and more, the essay section of my website has got you covered!
So, what say you about dating apps? Sound off below in the comments.
SHOP PITCH TEMPLATES AND EBOOKS TO WORK WITH BRANDS & LEVEL UP YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA
THIS is confirmation for me to delete the apps! I’m in Brooklyn and like you said there’s a lot of cuties all over the place!
Monroe I like your style on fashion & dating. Great article. Lemme get out of these sweatpants.!! So I can get swept off my feet.
This was an excellent article. As a woman who is dating in her 50’s I’ve found dating via apps to be challenging but also fun, but find it interesting that the experience is similar in many ways across age groups. Your comment that in real life they know they may never see you again, but online you’re just another option really struck me. Honestly because that’s how I feel about the guys I match with too…oh there are lots of others, let me let this conversation die if I’m not immediately enchanted. But this is encouraging me to get offline and go out there. Thank you!
Hello! Good read!! I’m currently on a few dating apps and I’m close to deleting. No exciting stories to share. I’m gradually starting to get out the house and meet new people. I’m also trying to get out of my own way.
Monroe, you are a beautiful woman and your time will come when you least expect it. Just think of all the growing you did when you were alone, I mean you stayed busy moving forward. Soon you will reap at harvest all you have sown in more ways than one.
Dope article! Wishing you lots of fun dates, fun times and eventually the man of your dreams.
Guys are just out to catch fun on dating sites, nothing really serious. About meeting men in real life, how do you all do it? Some of us ladies are not cute enough to be admired and called. Maybe to get a phone number or meet up after. I prefer the real life hook up to a dating app. Dating apps seems like a waste of time and effort.
I am so in agreement with this statement. I don’t actually have any apps, but I watched my younger friends go through the angst, and I told them just get out there, I run into cuties every day, all day! It’s especially helpful if you have a dog! Thanks for the great article!
What a great article. It was refreshing to read your description of yourself as being outgoing for and few hours and then a recluse for 72 hrs in order to recharge. That is so me. I also loved the dating tips. Even as a senior, I can take away some valuable nuggets from this article.
Thanks Monroe, and much success in the world of love.
LOVE this Monroe! I was on dating apps for a good month or so a few years back and realized they were not for me. EVERYBODY is outside yall! And they’re fine!!! Get on out!! Enjoy your dating, Monroe!
Great post! You are right about going out alone to enjoy yourself and the things you love. You are also right that the men come out the woodwork! Wishing you well in your dating adventure and hope you meet that special someone in God’s timing!
Monroe, I like your fashion style and personality. Great article and great dating tips. Thanks Monroe!
Great read! I have a few single friends who have told me horror stories from dating people from the apps. I can’t imagine being back in the dating game nowadays. Hopefully they will have the same luck as you seem to be having meeting people in person. I’m ready to be a bridesmaid in somebody’s wedding lol.
Monroe, I’m new to your blog but I truly love it! This post was so well written and just an overall fully developed but concise blog post on dating. Kudos Girl!
This is SUPER expansive, I am so glad I stumbled upon this! I just deleted my one and only app, hopefully for good this time. I kept them on my phone as another ‘portal’ to find someone, but honestly it just brought me so much anxiety to even open it. So much pressure, so much like a ‘transaction’ with having to go back and forth with mediocre conversation and nothing coming from it.