It’s International Women’s Day and I wanted to write something that would speak to women, especially women who let fear determine the the decisions they make. I was that woman. I was that woman for most of my adult life. I am just now starting to change my mind set and make decisions based on what makes me happy instead of what scares me. I wanted to take my time and dip my toe into entrepreneurship and the universe had other plans. I tip-toed around this for a full year before the powers that be said OKAY MA’AM, if you not gonna do it, we gon do it for you. This has quite possibly been the best 4 months of my life. I have also never worked so hard. So I want to share what the last 4 months of working for myself as a Full-Time Blogger has been like, but first a little background in case you’re new here. I’ve been a Physical Therapist for 8 years. I got my Doctorate Degree at NYU and have been practicing in New York City for 8 years. I liked my job but I didn’t love it. I always wanted to write. I was discouraged from pursuing that. Writing wasn’t an occupation that was profitable and my parents didn’t want me to struggle. Out of pure passion for the art of writing and fashion, I started this blog 3 months after I starting my first Physical Therapy Job. I never looked back. For the past 3 years I’ve blogged consistently while working a full-time 41 hour a week, super demanding, high level job. I was making the kind of money I always wanted to make, yet every few months I’d find myself rundown and crying in the bathroom in between patients. I yearned for the time when I could get home and work on blog posts. It was all I could think about. I needed to write. I wanted to write. And just like that…I had no other choice but to make this space that I love so much, my 9-5.
FEAR IS A HELLUVA DRUG + THE ANXIETY IS REAL
Fear is a super powerful emotion and it serves a great purpose when it’s time to fight or flight but when making life decisions it should not be a factor in the decision making process. I can only dream of the life I would have had sooner if I made better decisions in the past that weren’t leading with fear. I still have anxiety on a pretty regular basis about money. I have a lifestyle I’d like to maintain but listen, every time I start to let a little doubt creep in, I just go even harder and another opportunity ALWAYS presents itself. So I worry less about what may happen and focus on creating and doing my best. I’m only human though. It’s gonna take years for me to unlearn the habits I’ve practiced over the last 10 years of my life. That’s ok. I take it day by day.
Speaking of money, it’s one of the things at the forefront of my mind. When working for yourself as an influencer or an entrepreneur you’re not really sure when money will come. I’ve always been ok with managing my money but working for myself has made me extremely cautious with the way I spend money. I think I have more saving now than I ever had because I want to make sure if I have a slow month with no collaborations, that I won’t have to worry too much. Before when I was dependent on a biweekly check, I’d spend money without a thought because I knew in two more weeks another check was coming. That security net was nice but there’s something about following your dreams that makes the money so much sweeter than it was before.
A LIFE FREE FROM REGRET
I used to wonder what my life would be like if I really committed to doing the thing that I was passionate about the most — writing. I kid you not when I was in college I bought clothes and modern briefcases for this writer life that I knew I’d never have. I’m glad that I won’t have to live the rest of my life wondering what if. I know that when I die I won’t have any regrets. I wanted to blog so I did. I wanted to write for a magazine, so I created my own. I wanted to give back to make it easier for the next girl so I created my pitch templates. I created my own table, well before I knew that this was going to become my purpose in life. Life is too short to go through it without at least trying to do what makes you happy. I know I’m coming from a place of privilege and I recognize that. I’m single, I don’t have kids. I don’t have to make too many sacrifices because I’m only caring for myself but I do implore you, that even if you can’t do what you’re passionate about full-time do it some times. It will make you better and in turn make every life you touch better too.
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GET THE LOOK
There are so many amazing women I look up to in the business of writing and when they win, it feels like I win. There are so many amazing black women who are writers and they’re all killing it and inspiring me to be better every day. In a town where it can be a lot of tokenism especially when it comes to black women, it’s nice to feel a sense of camaraderie amongst us. We are all in this thang together. And yes, I like every black woman, still get a little pang of a thought every now and then that: there’s one too many of us doing the same thing. It’s normal. We were conditioned in this society to fear our sisters entering the same white spaces as us. It’s ok to feel that, it’s not ok to sit in those feels. Feel it and let it go. Replace the notion that there can only be one of us black girls winning. We are much stronger together. Yes, that’s easier said than done but it starts within us, with the changing of our thoughts and attitudes and pushing toward a different set of conditions for ourselves every single day. Happy International Women’s Day!
How are you making the world you want?
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