This Nasty Woman is 33 and single…and yes HAPPY too

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Ladies and the few gentlemen who visit this space, I am 33 and single. I am OK with it and you should be too. It wasn’t always this way. I can’t tell you how many times I complained to girlfriends on the phone about how men ain’t shit. About how some D-bag probably had sex with his co-worker while we were dating or how a guy I liked so so much disappeared from the face of the earth after a second date. I spent the latter part of my 20’s analyzing every move a man I was dating made and why dating in New York City was so hard. I exhausted myself focusing on why I was this age and had not a boyfriend in sight or why the boyfriend I had was such a dick or why a guy didn’t appreciate my fashion sense. It was an endless cycle of anxiety, crippling fear of being alone, trying to play “the game” or whatever the hell that is, and trying to further the timeline of my life into what I thought it “should” be at that age. And then, just like that Beloveds, something beautiful happened. I stopped caring. Not that I became some emotionless human being, but I stopped caring that I didn’t have a boyfriend and I stopped focusing on finding one. I wrote a new picture of what my life could look like with just me.

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For the first time, in a long time, I honestly don’t give AF because I LOVE MY LIFE. I am hyper focused on my career and on living my best life. Not what I think (or other people think) it “should” be at my age. I’m finally ok with being totally and completely single with not a prospect in sight for marriage or children. I recently reconnected with an old friend from college whom I hadn’t seen in yeeeears. In fact, the last time I saw her she was traveling the world and dating but single. When we met up recently for dinner, it was with her family, which included her husband and 2 year old daughter. Our conversation revolved mostly around what I’m doing with my life. If I was dating anyone and if I wasn’t why hadn’t it worked out. If I’d tried online dating or even a matchmaker. If I wanted to have children and how I’d go about that if I never got married. In my friends defense, I know she wasn’t being rude or condescending. I know she was genuinely concerned with my well being and happiness. For her, her happiness stems from her bond with her husband & daughter and her life as a mother. Maybe to her, it seems that without those things, I’m somehow lacking in joy. That couldn’t be further from my reality. I am without a doubt the happiest I’ve ever been right now, 33 and single.

Photography by Rose Lazare

Location: Chinatown, NYC

Nasty Woman Embroidered Top c/o Janis Embroidery | Phillip Lim Skirt | Sole Society Sandals | Vanessa Mooney Earrings | Vintage Coach Kimball Bag

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It wasn’t easy for me to shut out the noise that said I should be married with 2 children, a dog, as well as a homeowner by now. My grandmother, God rest her soul, always asked me whenever we spoke on the phone, if I was dating anyone. And I know exactly why she was asking. I get it. I’m getting older and if I want kids, I literally have a time that it has to get “done” by or else it will be really hard or may not happen. My friends and family want me to be a happy woman. And the picture of a typical happy woman is a married woman with children. Could it be possible that I actually love that I can walk around naked, not wash dishes for days, buy what I want when I want it and count all 200+ pairs of shoes as my children and actually reeeeeeeally be happy? Well I am. I also still have a very active love and sex life. I can change careers without consulting anyone. Hell, I can pick up and move to Paris without batting an eyelash (I’m actually considering it). Happiness comes in many forms. Happiness doesn’t look the same for everyone. What makes you happy could make me miserable. I just want people to know that. I am whole and joyous and excited about the prospects and the possibilities of where my life could go. I am very good with children but if I never have them, that’s ok with me. I do have some bomb genes though so I’ll probably make that happen eventually. In the meantime, I’m 33 and single. I’m ok with it and you should be too.

PS.

 The beauty about not caring and letting go of the social norms, is that as soon as you do, you can almost feel it (the relationship you’ve always wanted) coming to you like a freight train. That’s how I currently feel and I’m kinda pissed cause I know it’s gonna change everything… just as I was getting comfortable.

xx

Monroe

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23 Comments

  1. Melissafff
    August 15, 2017 / 7:40 am

    Another amazing article…. happiness looks good on you 🙂

    • monroesteele
      August 15, 2017 / 10:22 am

      Thank you Melissa! I appreciate you.

      xx
      Monroe

      • Gloria
        May 21, 2018 / 10:34 am

        I don’t always have a chance to read each of your posts but l’m glad I did this time. Being single is so common in NYC and it often has nothing to do with you and yet everything to do with you because you determine who you should let in. I am much older than you and though I’ve been married before, I never had kids and I do still want to but I enjoy my life immensely. Therefore, I try to focus on the positives. People’s perceptions can also cloud our thinking process but knowing you are, and I am perfectly normal and healthy being single and w/o a child is ultimately what matters.

        Thank you so much for sharing M!

        IG: Gloreebee1
        ❤️

        • monroesteele
          May 21, 2018 / 1:40 pm

          Thanks so much Gloria for Reading and for your Feedback! You’re 100% correct.

          xx
          Monroe

  2. August 15, 2017 / 9:54 am

    I love this post! So honest and I wish more women read this – not just single women, everyone. We SO need to stop assuming that there’s only one picture of happiness and impressing our societal norms on each other. People, by default, want to put you in a box. Single = unhappy, unfulfilled. Married or Dating = happy, complete. And throw in a kid or two and life is supposedly made? That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Some people are MISERABLE and they have all the makings of a “perfect” life. Kudos to you for choosing to be happy in your NOW. More of us need to do that!

    • monroesteele
      August 15, 2017 / 10:22 am

      Thank you so much Christina and you are EXACTLY right. It’s so much pressure to be “happy” and that that only looks one way.I appreciate you reading and taking the time to comment.

      xx
      Monroe

  3. Tracy
    August 15, 2017 / 12:42 pm

    I am 52 years old and have been happily divorced since 2000. I have no desire for marriage and have grown weary of people asking me when I plan on doing it again. I’ll never say never but the desire is just not there.

    • monroesteele
      August 15, 2017 / 12:48 pm

      I feel you! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to respond. Relationships arent the be all end all of everything. I’m glad more people are speaking up about it so that it’s no longer taboo to be a single woman and perfectly OK with that.

      xx
      Monroe

  4. August 15, 2017 / 1:20 pm

    girl, love love this post.So honest and raw, happiness looks good on you. Cant wait for Paris

    • monroesteele
      August 15, 2017 / 1:28 pm

      Haha, Thanks Rose! Love ya!

      xx
      Monroe

  5. August 16, 2017 / 7:12 pm

    Great post! I just turned 38 with no man or child in sight and I’m ok with that. I have way too many things to have happy about and excited for to worry about what I don’t have. And I do believe that if you want to be moved from your current situation, you have to show God that you are happy with what he has already given you. No one likes an unappreciative person. 🙂

    • monroesteele
      August 16, 2017 / 8:11 pm

      Hi Tamara,
      Very good point you made there about being happy with what you’ve been given! Love that.

      xx
      Monroe

  6. Thelookforlow
    August 17, 2017 / 6:36 pm

    Honestly… this post is a clear depiction of my life. I can finally say that I’m happy with just me! So glad to know that I’m not the only one keep shining and sharing

    • monroesteele
      August 20, 2017 / 9:39 am

      Thank you so much and I’m happy that you’re happy! It’s essential.

      xx
      Monroe

  7. August 18, 2017 / 1:56 pm

    This is an excellent post! Everyone’s definition of happiness is different. You’re amazing! Thank you!

    • monroesteele
      August 20, 2017 / 9:39 am

      Thank you Nicole for reading and taking the time to comment!

      xx
      Monroe

  8. September 1, 2017 / 11:43 pm

    Great post. I have been happily single for a while and I have many friends like yours who are concerned about my singleness. I’ve determined like you that they are not being rude as they inquire but sincerely hope that someone can share my groovy life. Accepting their concern as that and not criticism has freed me up.

  9. Gae
    September 2, 2017 / 12:57 pm

    Good for u! If u were a man, no one would be asking u when u were getting married. Woman can and should be more than someone’s wife or mother.

  10. November 15, 2017 / 11:00 am

    Your happiness is all that matters and happiness sure looks good on you. You write so well and inspire me to be more.

    • monroesteele
      November 16, 2017 / 10:35 am

      Thank you!

      xx
      Monroe

  11. Jen
    May 21, 2018 / 6:10 pm

    This speaks to me. First I love your style and this outfit is fab. This was so well written. I have friends just like your lovely friend. I think they figure that I’m not happy because I’m not married with kids and a house. I don’t want kids and I want a condo or my apartment is ok lol I think it’s such a myth about this biological age thing. It’s in some minds also deep rooted in our society. Everyone has a different body structure and also goals. I hate being put into a box. I’m ok I’m in my early 30s and I forget about my age I’m focused on goals. If you care you are here for it or not. Kindly stop asking me about these things and ask about me being a DR soon or how my business is doing. We all have this struggle but I don’t see it much. We are drowned out by Happy this and this how you have to be at a certain age in order to be happy. I’d rather be ready and happy than in a rush in pressure by age. I will live the same life now as I will when I ever get married.

    • monroesteele
      May 22, 2018 / 12:15 am

      Thanks so much for reading Jen! I’m glad this post resonated with you.

      xx
      Monroe

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