Ladies and the few gentlemen who visit this space, I am 33 and single. I am OK with it and you should be too. It wasn’t always this way. I can’t tell you how many times I complained to girlfriends on the phone about how men ain’t shit. About how some D-bag probably had sex with his co-worker while we were dating or how a guy I liked so so much disappeared from the face of the earth after a second date. I spent the latter part of my 20’s analyzing every move a man I was dating made and why dating in New York City was so hard. I exhausted myself focusing on why I was this age and had not a boyfriend in sight or why the boyfriend I had was such a dick or why a guy didn’t appreciate my fashion sense. It was an endless cycle of anxiety, crippling fear of being alone, trying to play “the game” or whatever the hell that is, and trying to further the timeline of my life into what I thought it “should” be at that age. And then, just like that Beloveds, something beautiful happened. I stopped caring. Not that I became some emotionless human being, but I stopped caring that I didn’t have a boyfriend and I stopped focusing on finding one. I wrote a new picture of what my life could look like with just me.
For the first time, in a long time, I honestly don’t give AF because I LOVE MY LIFE. I am hyper focused on my career and on living my best life. Not what I think (or other people think) it “should” be at my age. I’m finally ok with being totally and completely single with not a prospect in sight for marriage or children. I recently reconnected with an old friend from college whom I hadn’t seen in yeeeears. In fact, the last time I saw her she was traveling the world and dating but single. When we met up recently for dinner, it was with her family, which included her husband and 2 year old daughter. Our conversation revolved mostly around what I’m doing with my life. If I was dating anyone and if I wasn’t why hadn’t it worked out. If I’d tried online dating or even a matchmaker. If I wanted to have children and how I’d go about that if I never got married. In my friends defense, I know she wasn’t being rude or condescending. I know she was genuinely concerned with my well being and happiness. For her, her happiness stems from her bond with her husband & daughter and her life as a mother. Maybe to her, it seems that without those things, I’m somehow lacking in joy. That couldn’t be further from my reality. I am without a doubt the happiest I’ve ever been right now, 33 and single.
Location: Chinatown, NYC
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It wasn’t easy for me to shut out the noise that said I should be married with 2 children, a dog, as well as a homeowner by now. My grandmother, God rest her soul, always asked me whenever we spoke on the phone, if I was dating anyone. And I know exactly why she was asking. I get it. I’m getting older and if I want kids, I literally have a time that it has to get “done” by or else it will be really hard or may not happen. My friends and family want me to be a happy woman. And the picture of a typical happy woman is a married woman with children. Could it be possible that I actually love that I can walk around naked, not wash dishes for days, buy what I want when I want it and count all 200+ pairs of shoes as my children and actually reeeeeeeally be happy? Well I am. I also still have a very active love and sex life. I can change careers without consulting anyone. Hell, I can pick up and move to Paris without batting an eyelash (I’m actually considering it). Happiness comes in many forms. Happiness doesn’t look the same for everyone. What makes you happy could make me miserable. I just want people to know that. I am whole and joyous and excited about the prospects and the possibilities of where my life could go. I am very good with children but if I never have them, that’s ok with me. I do have some bomb genes though so I’ll probably make that happen eventually. In the meantime, I’m 33 and single. I’m ok with it and you should be too.
The beauty about not caring and letting go of the social norms, is that as soon as you do, you can almost feel it (the relationship you’ve always wanted) coming to you like a freight train. That’s how I currently feel and I’m kinda pissed cause I know it’s gonna change everything… just as I was getting comfortable.