Men really do love a Damsel in Distress

You know that saying about men loving a damsel in distress, well I know it to be a hard learned fact. Just 5 days into being a Full-Time Blogger, I had a day filled with shopping both Primark and Ann Taylor for collaborations. I took a pilgrimage to Primark and Kings Plaza Mall in Brooklyn (collected two huge bags of clothes) and then headed back to 5th Ave to pick up a few more items (3 bags worth) from Ann Taylor. I was on a high. I can’t believe this is my life, I thought as I somehow managed to carry 5 huge bags filled clothes out of Ann Taylor and onto 5th Avenue. Walking blissfully, quite abruptly one of the straps on my Ann Taylor bags broke and out toppled my precious new winter white coat and various other items onto the sidewalk. I nearly fell, thanks to it screwing with the perfect harmony of weight I had distributed between all the bags and my arms. Before I could even reach to pick something up, I was surrounded by men! Yes, surrounded.

It was as if my distress sent out some high pitch whistle that only men could hear. An Asian man who appeared to be about my age materialized right in front of me and begin collecting my items. To my left emerged an older very well dressed black gentlemen who insisted on holding my other bags while everything got sorted. I’m pretty sure he asked me if I was OK about 10 times in a 2 minute time span. Then from behind a white man in a baseball cap collected my broken bag and off to the trash he took it. They all worked feverishly together to redistribute my goods between the 4 remaining bags I had left and then went off on their merry way. I felt as if I was watching the entire incident hovering above my body, looking down in disbelief. There’s really something innate about a woman needing help that triggers something deep in men. I’d never really seen it up close and personal until my distress on 5th Avenue.

Photography by Rose Lazard || Editing by Monroe Steele

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I actually think that letting a man be a man is one of the things I’ve had to work on in my romantic relationships. For a time I was raised by a single mother. I learned very early in life the importance of being able to do things for myself. I’m I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T. to the core. I know in my heart of hearts that I can do anything by myself. But the older I get the more I realize that it’s ok to need people. It’s also ok to ask for and accept help. If we were meant to do everything ourselves, I think we’d all have our own little individual planets. It’s innate for men to want to help and to do things for women. That’s what they’re taught to do when growing up. They are taught to be providers and heroes and fixers of problems. Those deep seated beliefs and urges don’t just leave because women can do all that shit for themselves now.

As opposed to when women generally married for financial security and mostly stayed home. We all have our own set of issues and held beliefs that we bring into our romantic relationships. My father wasn’t around, my mom raised me as a single mother until my step father came along and that taught me to fend for myself and to learn how to survive without a man. My ex had a wonderful father who suddenly died, leaving his mother to fend for herself and her 3 children. That taught him to step up and be the man of the house, to be a provider and protector. You can probably guess the dynamics of our relationship and why it was probably doomed from the start. It doesn’t surprise me that his girlfriend before me was a single mother and his girlfriend after me was a mother of 3 fleeing an abusive relationship. It’s easy to fall into playing roles.

I think the first step is to identify what’s real and what’s false. For me that’s knowing that yes, I can do things for myself, but I like not having to do everything. If a man wants to install an AC unit for me or help me with my bags, I let him. I don’t stop him from doing what’s innate to him and I don’t yell and scream that I can do it myself. And I also say thank you. It makes life so much easier. Maybe I should go fall in the street more often, next time on Wall Street. 

Like these kinds of posts? Check out more of my Essays (go ahead you know you want to). 

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xx

Monroe

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27 Comments

  1. Chioma
    November 12, 2018 / 9:58 am

    Lol @ wall street. Great writeup. #wordsofwisdom

    • monroesteele
      Author
      November 12, 2018 / 3:18 pm

      Right LOL. I think I have to start a #DamselInDistress Challenge now. Thanks for reading.

      x
      Monroe

  2. Cree
    November 12, 2018 / 10:28 am

    A lesson I had to learn myself. Well written and I totally agree!!

    • monroesteele
      Author
      November 12, 2018 / 3:18 pm

      Thank you so much. Its so hard when you’ve learned to do everything for yourself, to unlearn some of that and be ok with accepting assistance.

      xx
      Monroe

  3. Lavette
    November 12, 2018 / 11:47 am

    Yes fall on Wall Street but send the older man my way lol

    • monroesteele
      Author
      November 12, 2018 / 3:17 pm

      LO, I’ll see what I can do mom.

      xx
      Meks

  4. Nenette
    November 12, 2018 / 12:11 pm

    I love this post and I happen to be the same way. I was never the type to accept help from others because I’m able to do pretty much everything for myself. But as I’ve gotten older I have realized that there’s nothing wrong accepting with accepting help. NYC men have a way of surprising you don’t they? Lol.

    • monroesteele
      Author
      November 12, 2018 / 3:17 pm

      Thank you so much for reading. They really do when I least expect it LOL.

      xx
      Monroe

  5. November 12, 2018 / 3:40 pm

    Great read and an excellent lesson.

    I’m still trying to learn to accept help, it’s one of the reasons my last relationship struggled.

    So thank you for this reminder!

    Also, you look fab!

    • monroesteele
      Author
      November 12, 2018 / 3:43 pm

      Thanks love! Its an unlearning process. I’m still unlearning. You’re so welcome.

      xx
      Monroe

  6. Candace
    November 13, 2018 / 7:26 am

    Great story! I love that you shared this. I try to tell my single and newly married friends this all the time! I’m still learning myself; Brandon still fusses at me for doing things “he should be doing”!
    Love you sis and I’m so super proud of you! See you soon 🙂

    • monroesteele
      Author
      November 13, 2018 / 10:08 am

      Haha, I’m sure he tries to do everything. Love ya and can’t wait to see you all!

      xx
      Meks

  7. Karleene
    November 13, 2018 / 8:15 am

    Mesmerized by this skirt! Such a great color on you and perfect for fall. Great read !

    • monroesteele
      Author
      November 13, 2018 / 10:09 am

      Thank you so much! I appreciate you reading and taking the time to comment. Orange is my new favorite color for Fall & Winter!

      xx
      Monroe

  8. November 13, 2018 / 9:22 am

    Great post Monroe. That skirt just gives me life every time I see it ❤️

    My father read me my rights when I told him that I don’t need a man for anything! Lol I get his point but it’s all about having balance. We can accept a man’s help but deep down we know things will still get done in their absence… Gone are the days where a woman has to be homeless because her husband left her. But if chivalry hasn’t completely died, we’ll be sure to be in distress on Wall Street Love the way you think! #TeamTaurus

    • monroesteele
      Author
      November 13, 2018 / 10:08 am

      Thank so much for reading and you are completely right! LOL.

      xx
      Monroe

  9. Faith
    November 13, 2018 / 11:27 am

    This is such a great post! It’s great knowing that you can do things on your own but it’s also so great not having to do it all too. Life is hard as it is … so I won’t say no to a little help to make it a little less difficult.

    And LOL to falling on Wall Street next, hahaha!

    • monroesteele
      Author
      November 13, 2018 / 1:02 pm

      Thank you for reading Faith. You are so right,life is hard enough lol.

      xx
      Monroe

  10. cj
    November 13, 2018 / 4:44 pm

    Hello, I’m a new follower and rarely post comments, however, I quite enjoyed the insight in your post. I actually learned something about myself. Thank you! Great fashion and great writing. I think I’ll enjoy your blog!

    • monroesteele
      Author
      November 14, 2018 / 12:58 am

      Wow Thank you so much! Happy to have you here. That makes me smile that you’ve learned something about yourself. Thats what life is all about. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.

      xx
      Monroe

  11. Adiam
    November 13, 2018 / 5:45 pm

    Love this blog post! Catching real Carry Bradshaw vibes. First time reading your blog after following you on IG for a while. I’ll be back

    Keep it up xx

    • monroesteele
      Author
      November 14, 2018 / 12:57 am

      Thats a huge compliment and I happily accept it! LOL. Thanks so much for heading over and reading. I appreciate you. Stick around!

      xx
      Monroe

  12. Angela
    November 13, 2018 / 7:40 pm

    It is the most necessary yet often times annoying task an only child or independent woman was learn to do

    • monroesteele
      Author
      November 14, 2018 / 12:56 am

      I agree. Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment.

      xx
      Monroe

  13. Gloria
    November 16, 2018 / 1:55 pm

    You are so cute! Yes, falling on Wall Street is a good start :))). I am a strong believer in letting guys open the door, pick up the tab, pull out my chair, assist me with putting on my coat/jacket, all that strong, gentlemanly stuff. Yes!!! Men still do it and I’ve been fortunate to date quite a few like this. My last (unfortunately short but sweet) fling was with a guy who would serve me first when we went out to dinner and even lay my napkin in my lap. He was AHmAzinn with that type of stuff but horrible at communicating. Anyway, he showed me that it is still very possible to meat that person I am looking for. OK, I’m done with the essay. lol. Oh btw, thanks for the links, I just purchased a bunch of stuff from F21 thanks to you linking the tied front top. LOL, can’t wait to receive’em. XOXOXO

    • monroesteele
      Author
      November 16, 2018 / 6:09 pm

      HAHA! Thats amazing! YAS. Thanks for reading and enjoy your purchases!

      xx
      Monroe

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