It’s been a while since I wrote about something that wasn’t a trend report and honestly I’ve missed it but I’ve been uninspired when it comes to the written word. But there are private conversations I’ve been having lately with my friends that leads me to believe we are all experiencing an awakening when it comes to what we will and won’t tolerate in life. I’m not sure if it was being in lockdown in the house for months on end in 2020 with no one but myself and my thoughts to keep me company but something in me definitely shifted in 2020. I’ve reached levels of unfuckwitable that I never thought I could reach. I no longer allow too many things to rub me the wrong way or get under my skin. I’ve made my sanity and my peace a priority above anything else in this world. Here are my 7 tips for remaining being Unbothered in 2021 when it comes to social media.
Don’t take anything personally and I mean anything, no matter who it is coming from. Being on a public platform like Instagram & Youtube has opened me up to a world of peoples opinions, unsolicited advice and critiques. Never in life has a human being had to withstand such criticism until the birth of social media. You could actually go through life not worried about what a complete stranger thought about you life choices, the way you decorate, your hairstyle etc. I no longer take anything personally unless it affects my money, my family or my safety. Either or will get you fucked up. I’m still a little rough around the edges. But what I know for sure is that we can’t control people, or their thoughts so why bother. Just dust it off and keep it moving. The only opinion that matters is your own.
Use The Block Button. I’ve blocked many people on all platforms since I’ve been on social media. If someone is brazen enough to leave a rude comment, they will surely do it again, so I never give people the chance. My spaces on the internet are places of harmony, entertainment and peace and I quickly stifle out any disruptions of that. I don’t subject myself to it or those who are viewing my content for the right reasons. I don’t regret or feel bad about it either. Remember my sanity and my peace comes first. If I think to myself would this person say this to my face if we were to meet in real life, and the answer is a resounding NO, I block them immediately. I’ve even had people reach out to me after being blocked and request that I unblock them. Clearly, some people don’t understand boundaries and that brings us to my next point.
State Your Boundaries Clearly and Concisely. Leave Nothing to Assume.
In real life when someone does something that I don’t like, I immediately address that issue. I don’t wait. I don’t sit around and stew in it and wonder if I should bring it up. I don’t think about the consequences of confrontation. I clearly let that person know that this is a boundary and this is how I prefer to be treated in such a situation. For example, I was dating a guy who after a few weeks of dating, stood me up or rather forgot that he was supposed to confirm plans with me. I waited around for a few hours before calling him and expressing my disappointment with his lack of respecting my time. Wasting my time is a boundary. He quickly apologized and never again did he stand me up or not confirm solid plans. The same thing goes for social media. People don’t know how to treat you until you let them know. I don’t allow certain things to be up for discussion on my social media. I don’t allow people to talk about or even ask about where I live. That’s a boundary. I don’t allow people to talk about or ask about my significant other (when I have one), that is a boundary. I don’t let people project their fears on me, that’s a hard boundary. It sounds like: don’t move to Miami Covid is rampant there. Don’t go to the beach alone. Are you being safe? Comments like that seem like they are coming from a place of concern when really that person is just projecting fear onto you. I don’t allow that and let people know NOT to do that to protect my mental well being. I also understand most people operate from a place of fear and make most of their lives decision based on fear or what will or won’t happen. I don’t live my life that way and most people can’t relate. I strongly dislike unsolicited advice. That’s a boundary and when someone hops in my DMs with a list of things I need to try to help solve this or that, I quickly let them know that I didn’t ask for this information even though I’m sure it comes from a place of love and if they could kindly refrain from sending unsolicited advice. I have over 100K followers and receive so much unsolicited advice, it gets to be too much for one person to consume. It’s very overwhelming and if someone does it too frequently I will block them. When you live your life on social media those who follow you will sometimes feel entitled to know everything about you and that you owe them that. If I even get the sense that someone feels this way, refer to Tip 2. Don’t be afraid of letting your boundaries be known and of monitoring your comments. I never want my social media comments to be a place where people come to get tea and gossip and anything else petty and baseless.
Take a Social Media Break Every Now & Then. As someone who’s full time job is social media and content creation, I sometimes feel the need to always be on social media. I need to be posting and creating content and engaging with comments all the time. There is never really any down time unless I’m sleeping. It’s a 24 hour a day gig. But it can all be too much sometimes and I’ve found myself stepping away from social media when I need to regroup and recharge or just to be re-inspired to create. I’ve limited the amount of time I spend on social media and the amount of days I will actually do a few Instastories. Of course sometimes I have a FOMO and know that Instagram will hate me when it’s time to post and not show my content but I’ve eased that burden by not depending so much on social media for work. That’s really helped relieve some of the anxiety I experience when I take breaks from Instagram in particular. It’s also just good for your soul not being bombarded with images and words that may not be contributing to you growing or leveling up. We subconsciously soak all of those things in whether we want to or not. It’s very necessary to take breaks and it’s ok to not even announce it. You don’t owe anyone anything and your sanity and peace should be your number 1 priority. So if social media is making you feel bad in any way shape or form, log off.
Stop worrying about the algorithm and post what you want when you want.
I was definitely one of the people who used to follow a formula when posting my content. I’d make sure I was posting at certain times and posted what got the most likes and engagement (for me that’s straight fashion content that features me in the photo). Eventually, I just stopped caring. And Yes, I do this for a living. There is no way to beat the algorithm. Instagram will do what it wants regarding showing your posts. I post what I want, when I want (or when I remember LOL). I find that the less structured you are with your posting and content the better off you will be. I started posting more home decor content and wouldn’t have ever thought people would be more interested in that than fashion! But they both do equally well. I started incorporating more reels that showed my personality. Step outside the box and worry a little less about who’s gonna see it and how it’s going to do.
Don’t take it so seriously, social media is just the highlights and rarely the lows and in betweens.
Take everything you see on social media with a grain of salt because its mostly a place where highlights of life are shared. The minutia of life is rarely entertaining. So keeping that in mind, never let it make you feel bad or depressed about where you are in your life. Social Media and the people you follow or subscribe to should inspire you and motivate you. You can always tailor who you follow and who you watch so that you see the things you want to see. I follow people who inspire me whether that’s home decor, beauty or fashion. I follow people who motivate me to level up and be the best business woman I can be. I follow people that when I see them winning, it’s an affirmation that I can win too. Those are the types of people you should be seeing in your feed and if someone elses wins make you feel bad then refer to tip 4 because those feeling are coming from within and that may be something you need to work out within yourself before participating in social media. But you never know what’s going on behind the smiling photos or the luxury unboxing videos. Every person on this earth has bad times, that’s just a part of living. Don’t forget that all these people are human just like you and are not exempt from the struggles of life.
SHOP THE OUTFIT
And last but certainly not least, your body is yours and what you do or don’t do to it is your business and not up for debate.
Social media is a place where people want authenticity and in the same breath demand you get braces. Social media is a place where people want you to do well but not more well off than them, because then you’re showing off. Social media can be a funny place and I tend to have a mostly love and sometimes hate relationship with it, or rather the people who don’t have any etiquette on it. I’ve been told more times than I can count what I SHOULD do to my body and with my body from complete strangers who won’t even post a profile photo. The audacity. You don’t have to be perfect. Sure people love to push perfection onto unassuming human beings but you are fine the way you are. I don’t plan on getting veneers, a new ass or anything else anytime soon just because some stranger on the internet told me I should. No one has that kind of power in my life accept me. But social media can and has made a lot of people particularly women buckle under the pressure of body critiques and being picture perfect. Stay true to you and don’t allow strangers or anyone for that matter have that kind of power over you and your person. I like that I don’t look like everyone else. That I’m not typical. It makes me me and that’s more relatable than a picture perfect version of me that I won’t even recognize. I mean look how far I’ve come, moving through life just the way I am. Whew…the audacity of being unapologetically me.
Thanks for reading.