I am a single 30-something year old woman living in the city that never sleeps. Ironically it’s pretty sleepy now that we are in the midst of a pandemic. I’ve spent the last 10+ years dating in the big apple and it’s been a total and utter shit show. I must admit it makes for a great life story and if I ever do have children, I have some amazing and down right crazy stories to tell. I actually mentioned this on my instastories a few days ago and everyone pleaded for me to write the book. Maybe one day I will. Sometimes I get the feeling my stories could be their own sitcom. But I’m already judged enough being a content creator and don’t want to expose myself to any more destructive criticism, if I can avoid it. Dating in New York City has always been really hard. For one the ratio of men to women is pretty insane and I feel like I’ve dated every weirdo in this city but I still keep trying. Perhaps under all my Taurean cynicism lies someone who wouldn’t mind not dying alone. Especially after spending nearly a year mostly indoors with nothing but my houseplants to keep me company. Dating during a pandemic is a special kinda hell though. It’s like the universe just wanted to see just how hard it could make dating and settled on not physically being able to see someone and if so…being in a mask and yelling through it or having your first date be joint rapid covid tests. I’ve somehow managed to do the impossible during this pandemic and that is maintaining some inkling or ember of a dating life. Here are my tips….if you care.
DON’T DATE SOMEONE ELSE DATE YOURSELF
Yes, I know this kind of defeats the purpose but hear me out. You can date, just date yourself instead. LOL. I spent a few months of lockdown dating myself and it was amazing. I treated myself to lavish gifts, home cooked meals and movie nights. I wasn’t stressed about why Tom, Dick or Harry hadn’t texted me in two days when I knew good and damn well they were just at home doing nothing too. Honestly, I feel like my life is much more stress free when a man is not involved. Everything is calm seas and smooth sailing. I was hyper focused on my career doing that time in early lockdown and churned out my most creative content of the year possibly. All of that focus on myself led to all the amazing opportunities I’ve had in the latter part of the year. You don’t always have to date someone else. Dedicate that time to becoming the best you. I know that’s kind of cliche and cheesy to say but when you’re at your best, you attract someone on the same level.
TECHNOLOGY IS YOUR FRIEND
When I was ready to get back into dating, technology was my best friend. I’ve spent hours on the phone having deep and meaningful conversations and really feeling like I got to know someone without all the extra sensory things that go into meeting someone in person. People are much more honest and forthcoming on the phone than they are during a first time date or even in text messages. A phone call and a conversation doesn’t give someone time to think up proper responses and answers. I’m actually one of those people who prefers talking on the phone. I feel like a lot of emotions and expression get lost in text messaging. I also did and still do quite a few FaceTime dates. I like to get the feel in a phone call first and then progress to FaceTime. FaceTimes are where the magic happens because you can pick up on social cues and facial expressions. If FaceTime isn’t your jam you can do like every company on the planet and do a Zoom date (that could have been an email). And yes, treat it like a real date! Do your hair and makeup and get dressed up. If you feel confident you’ll be more relaxed instead of worried about this or that and instead just enjoy the time. Don’t forget Instagram has a video chat feature too! Fire that bad boy up after hopping in those DMs. I’m a weirdo so I FaceTime people anytime I want and always expect them to answer (most of the time they do cause I’m me) but most people want a heads up.
LET YOUR INNER HYPOCHONDRIAC BE YOUR GUIDE
Look, we are still in a pandemic so don’t be a part of the problem, be a part of the solution but don’t be a dating idiot either. I’ve had very few in person dates during this pandemic and I always let my inner hypochondriac be my guide. We greet each other with a squirt of hand sanitizer and a masked pat pat on the back hug. We wear our masks except when eating. No kissing, no problem. No need to go and spread germs unnecessarily. I always ask about any symptoms, the last time they had a covid test and how they’ve been feeling lately. Of course none of these things mean much but it puts my mind as ease. When in doubt, if I plan on kissing them, I require a negative covid test and a sublingual thermometer check (Yes I have a few thermometers and Yes, it’s that serious). Those who meant business complied fully without so much as a whimper. If they like you, they’ll do it. It’s that simple and they should do it anyway…it’s a pandemic folks you can never be too safe.
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Just because we’re in trying times does’t mean have to give up dating if you don’t want to. If you’re really in the mindset of finding that special someone or Mr./Mrs. Right Now then you can still do that. Thanks to technology nearly anything is possible. What are some of your tips for dating during a pandemic? Sound off below in the comments.
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Sis, that was a fun read!! Interesting enough, I haven’t really dated but happened to meet 2 guys randomly. One while I was shooting content and the other as I was walking into my apartment. Other than that seems like my pass is trying to haunt bc so many guys I dated in the pass have been reaching out! I’m thinking, when did I send out an SOS?!? Lol. Anyway, I love all your safety tips. I like the idea of getting tested and the thermometer! I’d love to have a forum to discuss some dating experiences…I think it’d be fun. So many of us in NYC are single and have plenty stories. Lol
Haha girl we need a support group for sure!
Great post Monroe. I saw your post about the bouncer you dated who had a hummer and giggled thinking of some of my own Interesting exes back in my twenties. Funny thing is I rarely dated during normal times but now that COVID is here I find myself wanting a man. Lol
LOL. That’s usually how it goes right
I say date yourself! I swear you are like my bestfriend in my head. I have the worst luck with men and I too have realized that I’m a better person when I’m not involved with a man. I struggle with anxiety and sometime its hard for men to understand so something small to them like not answering the phone will really bother me more than other . I will just continue to date myself! Great essay!!